Hi Snatchers!
I have been doing some self-reflection lately on my #RoadtoSnatch. Some of you follow my personal Instagram and I mentioned how the second half of chapter 29 has started off well for me. Well, I guess I would have to speak about how the first part of my 29th started out. I entered this birthday on a low. My mental health was spiraling downward, emotionally I was tired of beating myself down, and the scale would not stop increasing. I mentioned briefly that I lost 20lbs in the year 2019, it was a huge moment for me because I had not been that weight since 2016. I felt invigorated and so happy then COVID happen and I was out of the gym. Despite all the home workouts I was doing with my personal trainer the weight kept increasing, I was forced to work from home, this affected my step counts and my time outside.
I took pictures to keep me accountable, usually, when I take pictures, I feel grateful because I am able to look at how far I have come. Unfortunately, it did not work in my favor because as I gained more weight. I could see my waist getting wider, my thighs getting bigger, my arms getting flabby, and I remember just depression and anxiety rising. I was crying about losing all my hard work and I cried to my personal trainer I just can’t do this anymore. He told me to stop weighing myself and not to be hard on myself because we are going through a pandemic and weight gain is expected. He reminded me that I am doing amazing and I got this. Sweet words of advice the only problem is I was hearing him, but I was not listening.
My mind heard him, but my heart was aching, I was hurting because I started to not love the woman in the mirror again. I would pep myself up and tell her it’s okay we can do it. The scale is no longer here to hurt you, that made me feel a bit better. The downside of when you’re not completely honest with yourself things get worst. I was not consistent with my workouts and I was no longer tracking my food intake. May was not the best month for me but I was looking forward to my birthday. June always makes me happy; the month of the Gemini woo woo hehehe. I had a fabulous birthday and the gyms opened back up! So, I started going, but it was hard because I was still getting bigger. So, I decided to go to sono bello for a consultation, I had scheduled an appointment in 2018 but backed out. This time I went and got a quote.
I told myself I will go to listen and learn a bit more, though I had already done over 2 years’ worth of research. I went and spoke to a lady named Stacy, she had gotten the procedure and was happy with Dr. Tom Kosowski (no sponsors or affiliation in this post). She asked me why I wanted to do this procedure, because they like to do the quick mental evaluation. I told her I wanted to love myself again, I wanted to love the woman I saw in the mirror again. I wanted to feel like myself again and I just can’t because the girl in the mirror doesn’t reflect the real me. She almost cried in the room, which did not help because I was trying not to cry.
After my consultation, I told her to give me a few weeks to get the deposit and if I truly felt this was for me, I would proceed. I had about 3-4 weeks until I would provide the money, definitely enough time to change my mind. I tried working out once again, I weighed myself again, I did my workouts, and was feeling better. Fitness always makes me happy, it’s such an up and down relationship. Then halfway into July I had reached it once again, the dreaded 200 pounds and I saw all my muscles, my waist, my arms, and my thighs get even bigger than back in May. I no longer could fit into my clothes comfortably. I started tracking again and lost a little weight after I took those pictures, but it was too late I decided to go through with the surgery. People may say “you cheated Shay” no I decided to Choose me.
I will never be ashamed of my body contour. Nor will I ever shame anyone for improving themselves the way they wish to. As long as it enhances their mental health, gives them confidence, frees them from anxiety, builds faith within themselves, and helps them love themselves more I will always say, do you. This year I chose me again and started to see my shape again, I’m still working on my consistency and getting the scale to go down, but I feel great and better about myself. I smile at the woman in the mirror every day and I continue to dance in my underwear because I just want to feel great being naked again haha. That’s my fitness goal now. I am happy with the women I have become so far, and I cannot wait to continue striving in my self-love journey. Now if my story taught you anything it is that you need to look out for yourself, be patient when making decisions, and also follow your heart because no one can walk this self-love journey of yours. You may not always know what is best for you, but you do know what it feels like when you love something or someone and you just want to participate in activities that help you replicate that feeling for yourself!
Love you Snatchers!
Forever Always Shay “Snatcher” Moore
P.S: Shameless plug haha but you will notice that I added a Shop page. I have started my small bath product business. Right now, I am selling Self-love kits that include candles, a bath bomb, a face mask, and inspirational quotes. Soon I’ll be adding more to them ( body scrubs & salt cakes^_^) I also have a combo where you can buy 2 loving me bath bombs and a face mask. Take the time to check it out and give yourself or others the gift of self-love :] These costs help with maintaining my website and providing future content!
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